I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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