but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
