ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
