This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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