Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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