It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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