I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize