I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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