fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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