Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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