y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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