Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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