Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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