So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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