it glows. i had to have it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
