You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
