So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So vagazzling was a success
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
