Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
