ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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