So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So vagazzling was a success
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
