Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
