I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
