If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
