for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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