you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
