I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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