I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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