you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
