my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
