Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
