yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
