At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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