Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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