Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
