i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
