I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
