Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
