i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So many bounce houses so little time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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