no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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