Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
