Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
