I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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