i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
