So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize