Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
NoShamevember. You game?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
