he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
