He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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