The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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