1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
