I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Enjoy the penises
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
