You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
