You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize