I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
