What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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