my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
