i just wanna soil my oats bro
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
