is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
