im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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