They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
