I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
