i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
