Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Couch. On fire.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
