The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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