I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
