remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
