So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
