So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
