you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
