It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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