you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
