She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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